How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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