We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
