Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
