Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
