stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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