I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
