I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
