We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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