he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
