was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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