he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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