SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
