Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
