There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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