I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
