my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
