Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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