It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
