You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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