i already hear my dad disowning me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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