I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
