i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
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