okay pat passed out under dana's car
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
