If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
