I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
