You're so nebulous sometimes
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
