You just made me feel so damn special
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
