Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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