Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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