saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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