Plan B is the new Plan A
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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