I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
