Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The Olympian is in my bed
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
