he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
