It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
