i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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