she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
