so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
