does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
