When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
