I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
People with herpes should wear stickers.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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