I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
