loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
do herpes really smell.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize