I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
