Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
