what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
