My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
