I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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