his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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