As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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