In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
