She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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