dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We had sex on a dog bed..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize