im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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