you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
