Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
