yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Two words: blizzard sex
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
