The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
