I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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