If that was your dad, he is hot
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize