She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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