Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
