I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
