i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
