For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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