When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
