Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
