Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
