I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
