she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The air was thick with penises
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
