She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
