i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
