just tell him i said nine months
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
