Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
