We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize