Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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