This girl is more easily done than said...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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