The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
