Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
