My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
