Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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