Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
