After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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