his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
