Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
