I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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