please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
