i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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