is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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