saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
