Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
so much tequila, so little girl.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize