Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
